It’s been long since i spent a day doing nothing school related and it made me realise how circuit breaker has triggered this workaholic syndrome. Every day I feel the need to make new study notes, work on an assignment that’s due 1 month later, read extra pages of the textbook…the list never ends.
Even office workers have the weekend off, so why do i always spend every single day studying to feel productive? I’m still guilty of feeling guilty when i don’t do work, but maybe it’s time for a mindset change and realise that life is more than books and grades. And that i am only young once, so if i DON’T start doing things that make me happy and contented now, i might regret it 10 years down the road when i start work, or 40 years later when I’m old and not as mobile.
I used to want to grow into an adult fast, be mature and power through life in six inch stilettos, like those ambitious strong young ladies in business suits with the ability to afford penthouses in skyscrapers. But lately I’ve realised how I’m missing the good ol days more, those golden teenage years where everything seemed oddly less complicated. Now, I am afraid of growing up too fast and missing out on opportunities to be young, wild and free.
I still have no idea why or what has made me this way. I can’t pinpoint the exact reason for feeling this confused, aimless and burnout but one thing for sure is that I don’t like this version of myself. Currently, I am still on a journey of self-discovery: I am learning to love myself for who I am, to lighten up and not give a f**k about stranger’s opinions, to constantly improve and work towards being a better version of myself.
The road is long, the road is tough, filled with ups and downs. Some days, I feel all good and positive whereas on other days it feels like my energy has been sucked dry. 2020 has been a trying year for us all, and I can only hope that by the end of this year, I will be able to find the key to my happiness – to be able to find the right balance of work and play, hustle and relax.